Perhaps Candice's Last Post

Unfortunately, by the end of my trip, I will have only posted twice. Fortunately, that means I'll be home in a week! Or a week and 6.5 hours with the time difference. I must say I'm looking forward to it. Not because I don't like it here. I can't even count how many times I've compared Canada and South Africa in conversations with people and in my own head (snow vs no snow, community culture vs individualistic culture, education vs unequal education, degrees of care in government hospitals, history demanding a space in EVERYONE's life vs not much life-changing recent history, violent crime vs not violent crime, structure vs little structure - I will let you figure out which goes with what country)... and have concluded that they're just different. Neither is better than the other. But I still overall prefer Canada, and idealistically, if I could bring the opportunities and people from here and meld them into Canada, it would be very nice. But also very sad because it still wouldn't be ideal. I have a bittersweet thought process about the people and culture in south africa. I've also discovered a bittersweet thought process about the people and culture in Canada. I realize those are all very generalized statements. I could make a list of all the little things I like and dislike about each place, but I'm not going to at this moment. You can ask me about it when I come home though if you're interested!

The last week was fairly quiet, but included working with some interesting, but sad, cases: hand injuries from bullet wounds to the shoulder, from being cut up with a big knife (there's a word for it here, but I don't remember it), and from protecting one's head from being struck with a telephone cable (next time you need to protect yourself from being hit with a telephone cable, please have the backs of your hands facing out. Makes functioning a little easier later on). Also, there is an unknown boy in the hospital that I am working with - his parents have not yet claimed him. I had my midterm evaluation on Friday (the paper work got lost... typical), and one of the comments was that I was able to handle the traumatic events quite well. I think I have chosen to not have my heart become too soft in dealing with these cases or else I may cry myself to sleep every night. Also, it seems to be more of a norm. Have I become insensitized? I don't think so. It's just the way of life here.

I went to Soweto today - one of the biggest Townships where there were student-led protests (that started off peaceful) about not having education done in Africaans. It sort of started off the end of apartheid process. We went to the church where 5000students fled when their peaceful protest march turned into a bloody mess of police and soldiers shooting at them. Amazing story - there were no causalties inside the church. Bullets were flying from inside and outside, and there were no causalties inside the church. The altar was broken, bullet holes in the ceilings and through windows, but no causalties. We also went to the Hector Pieterson memorial (one of the kids who died in the protests above - look it up on the internet... I never knew about him before today), and Nelson Mandela's house.

And I also went to an orphanage, and the kids are incredibly sweet. Little black kids waiting to be held. Some don't smile, and some just need some stimulation. That's the first orphanage I've ever been to. After that, we drove through the Baragwanath Hospital - a HUGE hospital serving the Soweto area. It apparently has the best burns unit and care in the southern hemisphere.

Oh - and this morning I also went on a small plane trip flying over Joburg and area. Pretty fun! Interesting to see the contrast between downtown, the suburbs where everyone has a pool, and the poorer, quite shabby neighborhoods.

This last week has been fairly quiet. I had ALOT of alone time. Which fit perfectly with the idea of having solitude (which was my spiritual discipline to do during lent... but has overflowed with little effort on my side). It has been very good and refreshing for me, I think, to have time by myself. And to curb the loneliness, God has also provided thunder storms where I can sit and watch the lightening and be comforted by the thunder (which normally makes my heart beat very fast. The girl I was hanging out with today got a spark through her finger touching a metal map outside the memorial when the lightening and thunder came). I think, too, God has been purposely waking me up early so that I can pray... especially to continually consciously remember that Jesus died for me, and that I can live because He lives. I wish He didn't have to use pigeons, doves, car alarms, house alarms, gate alarms, roosters, and dogs to do that. But it seems to do the trick.

It has been good for me to think about what I'm doing in life right now. And to think about the things I would like to do as an OT. Or even not as an OT. To remove myself from the busy-ness at home and think and pray about how I want to tackle the next few months; what kind of focus I want to have, and how I continue on with what I've learned here, but at home. It's been so nice to renew the ability to not worry about tomorrow, or even the next things happening - even in the times I'm not doing something. And instead, take that moment to pray. To talk with God about what is happening. To tell Him I don't understand, or feel inadequate, to ask for guidance in little things, to ask Him to heal the people I work with, to use me, to mould me, to just sit knowing that I am forgiven and loved and not condemned. It perhaps took me 4 weeks to settle down enough to be able to be calm, but I am thankful that I have been here where I have not had much of a choice.

I have SO much to learn. Both as an OT and as a person. I am glad that God has taught me much while being here - or maybe not very much, but still significant things. And that He still is teaching me, and that I am still able to learn and grow.

I will be back next weekend, but may also sleep all next week, so I still might not talk with many of you for another couple of weeks. Half of me is defying the possibility of jet-lag, and the other half of me doesn't care and will deal with it without being stressed about it if it comes. Also, if there's anything I've learned while being here, it is to slow down a bit, and not do things (ie be on the go all the time, hang out with people all the time) because I think people expect me to (which isn't always the case, but sometimes is). I have enjoyed being quiet, and alone. As much as I love people, I have found this quietness to be a very valuable thing, and I think that lately it's been very pleasing to God. So when I get home, I promise I'm not avoiding people. I miss you all and would like to see you all. But I may not hang out as much, or perhaps I'll hang out a bit differently, because I have learned to value space when it is just quiet - where there is just God and me for a little bit.

So, I have one more week to pour myself into, and then I'll be home! See you all soon! And I'll give you hugs! I promise!

Much love,
Candice