Continuing to look hideous...

Krista and I have (almost) matching rain jackets. Almost matching shorts and tops, matching mud splatters and matching flustered expressions. I have never felt so ugly nor been so praised for my beauty. I brought my painting shirt by accident, not to mention hardly anything matches. Which is sad when you only have 3 shirts and 2 pants. I think i was crazy when I packed. And why would a person not bring anything to wash their face with properly? What made me think I would like pimples any more in Zambia than in Edmonton?

Now,please remember that Peter and I are completely opposite. Where he asks for anything to beat our numbers nonsense makes me sad.. And Peter! When are you coming? Things are ah, how can i put it? "heating up" at home and it would be nice to know our time-line. By the way, you are hilarious and I'm very much looking forward to seeing you. Krista and I will be matching (she is my daughter, younger sister, twin) and I assume you will be in the tilly hat?) Hoping the tractor improves....

Yesterday my flip-flop broke. Torrential rains upon leaving the bus (with the inevitable head bump, awkward squeezing through Zambians with babies, baskets of salt fish, spikey umbrellas) made for a massive mudslide on our way home. We aren't so good at walking in the mud as the flip-flops do a good job of flopping the mud back onto our backsides, not to mention sticking in the mud while our legs continue. For some reason no one else here seems to have trouble. Just us. Anyway, flip-flop broke leaving me with no shoe and a demented hobble. Rains continue all around us and my giggling left me with almost no barrier to raining inside my trousers as I had to go to the bathroom fairly terribly. Zambian women passing by 'sorry, sorry' as she bemoans my plight. Zambian man the most enraged i've yet seen as my hystarical giggling has caused me to unknowingly flounder back and forth into his path.

We got home. Moses, one of the nephews staying was horrified with our state. Somehow we manage to be in a shambles most of the time. I need to spend more time cleaning my shoes in order to fit in.

This is going to be long. Perhaps you'd like to play 'choose your own adventure' and skip to parts you'd like. That way I'll remember i'm not inflicting this on anyone due to the remarkable thing known as readers freedom.

I have occasionally bemoned the absense of listeners freedom in my life currently. The family watches tv lots, combined with listening to music on the dvd player, added to baby crying and boys shouting and laughing. But that is mostly funny. The worst part, and one I'm still working on dealing with, is listening to people (oh, and by people I mean men..) say things I disagree with and find rude, intolerant and damaging without having the freedom to deal with the situation like I would at home. Coming from a completly different background I realize my ideas don't necessarily fit here and won't always be the best thing. It is hard when hearing things that make me squirm, to keep from fighting back and trying to convince, to 'correct.' I am disgusted with this in myself, this impulse to make everyone like me. But of course, since I think I'm right or more fair I want to win the day. (Dad, perhaps you will get this due to our 'discussions'!). An older man yesterday went on and on about this and that, how women's subservience doesn't denote inequality but rather is a way of showing respect and making the world work smoothly, that Americans gave more money, and were thus more awesome, than the british, that Canadians didn't care about their inlaws, on and on. Most things I suppose one could gently disagree with but I felt bound by my female, whiteness and didn't want to be contrary. I had to leave the room with my face blazing. What an awful man I thought.

But - point. To learn about tolerating intolerance. How to do this is a graceful way? For me this is difficult because I can become so enraged so quickly but anything I think is unfair or unkind and thus, in the process become exactly what I hate so much. So I am learning to wait on my reactions and to consider later if it is something worth following up. The father of the family pointed out the importance of 'saving face' for others and being careful never to show anyone wrong in front of their children. He said, you should correct afterwards in order to preserve the dignity of those involved. I thought that was different than home. I thought that perhaps we sometimes get too excited about proving other people wrong.

Addition to the Faith comment from before:
I still hold that God has given Zambia the gift of Faith and that it is a merciful and incredibly intelligent gift to give here. But, to add to this, we heard from a gentleman the other day, how much they are searching for depth to be added to faith. How many people are christians but need to think more and be impacted by their faith. For one of the first times Krista and I felt we had something to contribute.

Exciting things:

+ Got to tell someone that Mormons didn't worship "Mammon, the God of Money" but were actually M.O.R.M.O.N.S's. Very interesting. I'm not sure he believed me, or rather I think he liked his opinion more. If one can have an opinion about those kinds of things.

My mom called me!

Favorite baby has changed her life. When we came she sat on the floor and stared, mostly at food if it was passing around. She only laughed late afternoon, and this only under 5 minutes dedicated tickling. Now, favorite baby is hystrical for most of the day, large eyes gleaming and wierd noises trickling out of her. (Speaking of trickling, found some poo dropping out of her nappy on to the floor this morning. Almost barfed.) She will reach up her hands now to walk around. This is a miracle I believe - when we came she wouldn't really interact. So I'm happy. Whenever i feel bored wtih the babies I think about her and am glad to be around.

Excited about the Mustard Seed news! Looking forward to coming home because I think I've got some things to do in Edmonton and I'm glad the Mustard Seed is there.

I 'pack plates' every night before bed and am glad to be able to do something so normal and nice.

Watched one of the boys kill chickens with a bread knife. Felt awful about it but thought it was important to watch seeing as I'd been eating it. Don't know what I think but I do know that there is a distinction here between Edmotnon and Lusaka. Here they kill chickens behind the house with a bread knife and a 12 year-old helping you hold the body. They bury the blood, just there, behind the house. then we eat the intestines.

"I love God" in sparkly letters on bus dashboards

Oh - life is changing I think. Saw a compound flooded with Children wading out to get water. Young child mother, knee-deep in water hanging the washing on the line. 5 percent of houses in the compound have electricity. There are children everywhere. I think my life is meant to be different than it is currently, or something. And so I'm excited to come home because i'm coming to belive here that God works and that if he calls you to something, convicts you of something, it matters and you are meant to GO. So, we'll see. Church messages are about God equipping you, about him giving vision and the rest coming. They don't have much stuff here so they rely so strongly on trusting God with stuff and just working to carry on vision. I think I"ve been culpable of having vision and doing nothing with it because I'm afraid and because I doubt myself and God in me. So. Zambia is a good place to be learning this, good place to be if God wants to stick something in my side.

Notes for the loves:

House! I miss you guys. Think of you fairly often, particularly when the boys here want to come to Canada and ask if any of my roommates would make suitable girlfriends. Am having a lovely time describing you all. Jamie, I say you float when you walk... hope that's okay:) I'm excited to return in the spring and dig the garden and hear your stories and eat bananas and peanut butter. Peanut butter is such a comfort to us both here and it often reminds me of home. What are you guys doing? How are you? Are you all still there? Of course you are, only been 3 weeks but it feels like way longer. Good faith with Remedy Kaiser...

Ruthey, you're nice and I'm so glad for you. The asian kids will be just your size..

Booty: Think of you. We say goodnight sometimes though I don't think you hear. Got 3 birds hung on a string, think it is part of a baby-mobile and are going to bring it home. Me, you and Krista. Krista is the brown one and I'lll leave it to you to decide if you're the blue or orange one. For once I have no opinion.

Candice: Will be so good to see you. Hope you are well. We think of the wedding often and what a nice thing it will be to come home to. Hope you are well...

Love to everyone, as always. My hands hurt. Sorry that this kind of sucked, i should try more regularly so they have more shape, less blather.

Gillian